THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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