Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
