I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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