The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
