I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
