So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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