woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
