someone get that fucking seahorse.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
