1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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