im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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