you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize