dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
