I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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