went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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