....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
