We're like a lot better than the average bears
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
