maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Vodka?
Forever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
