i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
