New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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