Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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