I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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