I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
