I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize