i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
