If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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