wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
