He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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