It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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