Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
