1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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