In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
