Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
