dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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