id be glad to
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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