Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
