Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
be right there i have to get my cape
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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