I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
