So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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