At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
