I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
