Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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