I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
