Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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