this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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