Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
