I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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