Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
