I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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