I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
