when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are two peas in an std pod
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
