a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
