I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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