Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This baby is an asshole
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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