Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
