First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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