I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
