if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
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