her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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