Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
