Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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