we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
