NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
